LESSON 4
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German,
an American and a French,
who found this small genie bottle. When they
rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared.
Thankful that the 4 guys had released
him out of the bottle,
He said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I
will give each of you A wish.
When you run towards the pool and
jump, you shout what you want the pool of Water to become,
Then your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start.
He ran towards the pool, jumped and
shouted “WINE".
The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine.
The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and
shouted, VODKA" and Immersed himself
into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER".
He was so contented with his beer pool.
The last is the American. He was running towards
the pool and suddenly he steps on a banana peel.
He slipped towards the pool and shouted,”SHIT!!!!!!!........."
You can decide what had happened that day.
*LESSON IV - THINK TWICE BEFORE
YOU SAY SOMETHING, BECAUSE
SOMETIMES ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN.*

LESSON 5

The organs of the body were having a meeting;
they were trying to decide who was in charge.
Each organ took a turn to speak up:
-Brain.... I should be in charge because I run
all the bodies’ functions.
-Blood........ I should be in charge because I
circulate oxygen for the brain.
-Stomach... I should be in charge because I process
food to the brain.
-Legs......... I should be in charge because I take
the brain where it wants to go.
-Eyes......... I should be in charge
because I let the brain see where it's going.
-Asshole.....I should be in charge because I get
rid of your waste.
>>> All the other parts laughed so hard and this made
the ass hole very mad.
To prove his point, the asshole immediately
slammed tightly closed and
Stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the
body of any waste whatsoever.
Day 1 - Brain got a terrible headache and cried
out for relief
Day 2 - Stomach got bloated and
began to ache terribly
Day 3 - Legs got cramps and became unstable
Day 4 - Eyes became watery and vision became blurred
Day 5 - Blood became toxic and poisoned the body
Day 6 -The other organs agreed to
let the asshole be in charge.
*MORAL OF THE STORY: NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW
IMPORTANT YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU WILL FIND THAT IT IS ALWAYS
THE ASSHOLE THAT IS IN CHARGE.*

LESSON 3

An American and Japanese were sitting on the
plane on the plane.
When the American turned to the Japanese and asked,
"What kind of -ESE are you?"
The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't
understand what you mean.”
The American repeated, "What kind of -ESE are you?"
Again, the Japanese was confused over the question.

The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What
kind of –ESE are you...
Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese! Etc......?!?!?"
The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese."
A while later the Japanese turned to the American
and asked what kind of 'key' was he.
The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you
mean what kind of –key am i?!
The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"
*LESSON III - NEVER INSULT ANYONE.*

LESSON 2

Standing in front of a shredder
with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO,
"this is a very sensitive and important
document, and my secretary has left.
Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive.
He turned the machine on,
inserted the paper, and
pressed the start button.
”Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper
disappeared inside the shredder machine.
"I just need one copy."

*LESSON II - NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS
KNOWS EVERYTHING.

The next 5 articles will be some stuff you wanna learn thru some hilarious lessons..

LESSON 1

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss
are on their way to a meeting.
On their way through a park,
they come across a wonder lamp.
They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.
The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three
wishes but since there are 3 of you,
I will only allow one wish each"
So the eager senior manager shouted,
"I want the first wish.
I want to be in the Bahamas,
on a fast boat and have no worries."
Pfufffff, and he was gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and
shouted "I want to be In Florida with beautiful girls,
plenty of food and cocktails."
Pfufffff, and he was also gone.
The boss calmly said,
"I want these two idiots back in
my office after lunch at 12.35pm."

*MORAL OF THE STORY:
"ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSSES TO SPEAK FIRST"*

One Chinese person walks into a bar in America
late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.
As he was a great fan of his movies,
he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap
and says "You Chinese People bombed our Pearl Harbour,
get out of here!!"
The astonished Chinese man replied "It was not the
Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese".
”Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese,
you're all the same,” replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese
gives Spielberg a slap and says "You sank the
Titanic; my forefathers were on that ship."
Shocked, Spielberg replies "It was the iceberg
that sank the Titanic not me.”
The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg,
you’re all the same!!”

5 simple articles for the next 5 days, no racism involved, so please laugh if it gets funny and zip up if you wanna add some stuff about it..

SMART INDIAN

Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice.

Son: "I will choose my own bride!! My love is Butaya from next door!!"

Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates’s daughter...”

Son : "The guy with the Vi-sa (Microsoft Window Vista) that runs in a white box called Come-PeTer (Computer)?? (Peter Samy from the back ground yells, "what you want, dont ask me anyhow come k?!") I guess why not?! "

Next, Father approaches Bill Gates.

Father: "I have a husband for your daughter...."

Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!!!!!"

Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank. In my homeland, age is never a problem. She will learn to grow into him.”

Bill Gates: "Ah i see, can we start the planning now? We can format it in Powerpoint, Word, Excel or my latest Vista! * grinning to himself (for the sake of my business, why not?)"

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice president.”

President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"

Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."

President: "Ah, (Free SOFTWARES!!) in that case...ok"

That is how Indians do business. Take a "nothing" and convert it to success..

A Tribute to Manchester United

Probably the best among all the superior football clubs this season, with another chance of having a go for a Treble. A Treble means a team has to win the EPL title, the FA cup and the glorious UEFA CHAMPION LEAGUE.

Manchester United suffered one mournful tragedy in 6 February 1958, after refuelling in Munich on 6 February 1958, the United aeroplane crashed, killing twenty-two people, including seven players – Byrne, Colman, Jones, Pegg, Taylor, Geoff Bent and Liam Whelan. Duncan Edwards became the eighth player to die of his injuries, fifteen days later in a German hospital.

The club, the city of Manchester and the English game entered a long period of mourning, and it seemed inconceivable that United could ever recover from such an appalling disaster.

But in 1986, Sir Alex Ferguson joined Manchester United as their head coach. He was criticized as for 8 seasons, he has not achieved an EPL Title but that will not stop him from unleashing a force all the teams in the world would not want to reckon with.

Sir Alex Ferguson is the most successful manager in British football history – winning 18 major trophies during his time in charge of the Reds. Yet despite almost two decades at the Old Trafford helm he remains focused on increasing that tally, bringing yet more silverware to Manchester United.

The silver wares were 7 EPL Title (1993, 1994, 1996, 1997, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2003), 1 UEFA CHAMPION LEAGUE (1999), 5 FA Cup (1990, 1994, 1996, 1999, 2004), 2 LEAGUE Cup (1992, 2006), and an UEFA Cup (1991), INTERCONTENTAL Cup (1991) and some other UEFA cups.

In the season of 1999, Manchester United moved on to be the first team to ever achieve a Treble. The Treble became a quadruple later in the year when Sir Alex Ferguson's men travelled to Tokyo to compete for the Inter-Continental Cup. Keane's goal against Palmeiras of Brazil bestowed upon United the title of World Club Champions. Officially, at the end of the millennium, the biggest football club in the world had also become the best in the world!

Unfortunately, from the season of 2003/04 to 2005/06, Manchester United only manage one silverware which was the League Cup. People began to write of Man United as a title contender after Jose Mourinho and Roman came into picture with Billion dollar of spending power. Chelsea was transformed overnight to the world most expensive team, even surpassing the all star team of Real Madrid.

But the people and reporters who wrote off Man United was so so wrong. This season of 2006/07, Man United is on the road once again to achieve yet another Treble. They are in the semi-final for the UEFA CHAMPION LEAGUE, top in the EPL table and also in the semi-final for the FA Cup. A true Champion needs luck and a lot of blessing from GOD, may the Lord bless this team who worked so hard for everything

OH what a night!

They say Rome wasn’t built in a day, but the Romans were certainly brought to their knees in just an hour and a half at Old Trafford. They got their ass kicked Spartan style but in the form of a football match. No casualties were calculated, but pride, honor, fame and reputation fell like how each Persian’s soldier fell with blood ousting out of their wounds in the epic movie of 300.

Man United Epic Movie came in a match of the CHAMPION LEAGUE quarter-final when the Reds ran riots in their own back yard of Old Trafford, with many mouth watering and quality goals in a match that left the fans on the edge of their seat through out the whole game.

In 19 mins, Man United was 3-0 with Michael Carrick, Alan Smith and Rooney on the score board. Carrick gave United the lead with a stunning, spontaneous stike from Michael Carrick in the 12th minute. Smith claimed the second with a run into the area and with a tap into the empty net. Rooney who had a goal drought whose goal in the previous game gave the Reds hope added the 3rd goal, tucking the ball home into the lower corner.

Ronaldo added 2 goals to the tally with one stunner each coming before and right after the half time mark. Carrick moved on to claim his second of the night with a superb curler floated into the top corner from outside the penalty box. Obviously the resistance from the Romans was futile.

At 6-0 down, they manage to pull one back with a one touch volley from De Rosi and claim their hard earned consolation goal. The Reds fans were not through with 6 goals, despite being hoarse after a 6 goal celebration, they wanted more!! Subsitute Patrick Evra answered their call with a hammering shot in and off the goal post of the exasperated and sorrowful Doni, Roma’s keepers. Never in his life had he felt the way he had that night.

The Reds and their fans were in seventh heaven, 7 goals in a game after enduring years of low scoring in the Champion League. Many will say this performance has surpass that of the liverpool’s in Istanbul, they never agrees but deep in their mind, they know that this performance is one they never can match.

How did I celebrate? I could’t sleep after that match, I was wide awake with the excitement that is yet to come. Another shot at the Treble I presume. I wore the Man Utd jersey after I almost torn the t-shirt I was wearing when Man Utd went on a rampage. Certainly, the Romans were dejected and remorseful after the match. Man Utd fought like warriors against all odds that they have a list of injuried players.

`Some knowledge to know

-If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

(Hardly seems worth it.)


-If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

(Now that's more like it!)


-The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

(O.M.G.!)


-A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)


-A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.

(Creepy.)


-Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour

(Don't try this at home,maybe at work)


-The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

("Darlin, I'm home. What the....?!")


-The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

(If we can do that, we will put spiderman to shame)


-The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond? )



-Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)


-Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Who wanna try this?)


-The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

(Hmmmmmm... are you sure for a guy?)


Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)


-Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

(thank goodness! we dont need godzilla imposer here)


-A cat's urine glows under a black light.

(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)


-An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)


-Starfish have no brains

(I know some people like that too.)


-Polar bears are left-handed.

(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)


-Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(What about that the pig??)

`Short Poem
A peach is a peach
A plum is a plum,
A kiss isn't a kiss
Without some tongue.
So open your mouth
and close your eyes,
and give your tongue
some exercise!!!
(No filthy thoughts please)

`a short and sweet story to remember

The Mayonnaise Jar


When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a
day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar...and the coffee...

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of
him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty
mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the
students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the
jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas
between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was
full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of
course, the sand filled up everything
else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a
unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and
poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space
between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, " I want you to
recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the
important things- your God, family, your children, your health, your
friends, and your favorite passions-things that if everything else was lost
and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the
other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car. The sand
is everything else-the small stuff."

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room
for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for
life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will
never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to
the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children.
Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play
another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the
disposal. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee
represented.

The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no
matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of
cups of coffee with a friend."

Effective ways to strengthen your Presentation

1. The success of a presentation depends on how the audience understands the presenter's frames of reference. Hence a presentation should be tailored towards the audience level of understanding and should avoid using jargons and words which only the presenter understands.

2. Adding animations and sounds to the presentation is creating "noise", it will distract the audience from the point you are trying to make. Hence it is important to keep the slides simple if you have an important point to make.

* Existence of Internal and External "noise"
-Example of internal noise are jargons or technical terms which the audience are not able to comprehend; and
-Example of external noise are later-comers, inattentive audience (audience yawning away) and etc.

3. Clichés not only exist in the form of words and phrases, but also pictures and animations. An example will be the screen beans. Try not to use the templates and pictures from the PowerPoint software, use unique pictures which are able to depict/ bring across the purpose to the audience instead.

These are only a few pointers i have learnt. There are many more methods you can think of with your creativity.

Phamton of the Opera

In the musical'sheart-wrenching story of the mysterious "Angel of Music" who lives beneath the Paris Opera House, the hideously disfigured Phantom falls in love with the young singer Christine, and devotes himself to creating a new opera star while exercising a reign of terror over the Opera House's occupants.

With a strong 130 crew and orchestra members, and armed with 230 made to the finest costumes, their extraordinary performance has been seen by over 80 million people worldwide, has been performed in more than 20 countries, won over 50 major theatre awards, and grossed more than S$5 billion.

Watching from the first few rows was such an incredile feeling, a eye opener to the world's reowned muscial group. With more than 2 hours of breath-taking, eye catching, astonishing and phenomenal scenes of singing and dancing, it was good enough to blow me away. Impressive, truly impressive.